Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Room

There's a room that people go in to.
A room that no one ever comes out of when the door closes.
It's a room that I think everyone has seen or heard about.
Everyone knows someone who has been inside of that room.
Sometimes the door even closes...and that someone never comes out.

Everyone has this room in their house or apartment.
Even the homeless have this room.

I walked down a dark, thin corridor toward a bright, white light shining underneath a door.
The light was like a magnet; drawing me in...pulling me in. I obeyed.
The walls of the corridor were like screens.
They showed me images of my life.
They showed me images of all the mistakes I've made.
They showed me images of all the bad things I've done to others and to myself.
They showed me a way into the room.

Although the walls on either sides of me were showing me...They were also blinders.
They were blinders against reason, courage and rationality.

The blinders led me to the room.
I got closer to the room and the light grew brighter, and the images alongside the wall began to fade.
The light even began to silence the noises from the perpetual soundtrack in my life...and only one message because clear..."Come into the Room"

I raised my hand toward the door knob...and turned the knob and walked into the room. With my hand on the cold
door knob, I looked into this white room...this cylindrical white room with no ceiling...no windows...just infinite heights.

I kept my hand on the door knob...
I kept...my hand....ON...the door knob, holding the door in place, because I didn't want to close the door of this room.
I felt a strong urge to let go of the knob and close the door...

I could just let go of the knob and close the door...
I should just let go of the knob and close the door...
Who cares....let go of the knob and close the door...


Close the door...
THE DOOR...

I looked at my hand on the door knob...
I looked at the veins in my hands...
I imagined the blood that ran through my veins...to a beating heart...

I held onto the door knob...

I looked at the white walls and....even now at 4:58 am,
I'm thankful for my hand on the door knob.

I studied the structure of the room and all it's peaceful elements...

With my hand on the door knob, I walked out of the room and closed the door...facing the dark corridor walls that projected
my sins so prominently and vividly...I walked out of the corridor with no threats or promises...but I did return and I began painting the walls to create a peaceful vibe like that of the room.

I could not go in and close the door...

I went into the room, but I did not stay...
And I most certainly did NOT close the door from the inside...