There's a room that people go in to.
A room that no one ever comes out of when the door closes.
It's a room that I think everyone has seen or heard about.
Everyone knows someone who has been inside of that room.
Sometimes the door even closes...and that someone never comes out.
Everyone has this room in their house or apartment.
Even the homeless have this room.
I walked down a dark, thin corridor toward a bright, white light shining underneath a door.
The light was like a magnet; drawing me in...pulling me in. I obeyed.
The walls of the corridor were like screens.
They showed me images of my life.
They showed me images of all the mistakes I've made.
They showed me images of all the bad things I've done to others and to myself.
They showed me a way into the room.
Although the walls on either sides of me were showing me...They were also blinders.
They were blinders against reason, courage and rationality.
The blinders led me to the room.
I got closer to the room and the light grew brighter, and the images alongside the wall began to fade.
The light even began to silence the noises from the perpetual soundtrack in my life...and only one message because clear..."Come into the Room"
I raised my hand toward the door knob...and turned the knob and walked into the room. With my hand on the cold
door knob, I looked into this white room...this cylindrical white room with no ceiling...no windows...just infinite heights.
I kept my hand on the door knob...
I kept...my hand....ON...the door knob, holding the door in place, because I didn't want to close the door of this room.
I felt a strong urge to let go of the knob and close the door...
I could just let go of the knob and close the door...
I should just let go of the knob and close the door...
Who cares....let go of the knob and close the door...
Close the door...
THE DOOR...
I looked at my hand on the door knob...
I looked at the veins in my hands...
I imagined the blood that ran through my veins...to a beating heart...
I held onto the door knob...
I looked at the white walls and....even now at 4:58 am,
I'm thankful for my hand on the door knob.
I studied the structure of the room and all it's peaceful elements...
With my hand on the door knob, I walked out of the room and closed the door...facing the dark corridor walls that projected
my sins so prominently and vividly...I walked out of the corridor with no threats or promises...but I did return and I began painting the walls to create a peaceful vibe like that of the room.
I could not go in and close the door...
I went into the room, but I did not stay...
And I most certainly did NOT close the door from the inside...
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
One Minute Lasts
"With one second's breath, I call to thee;
Tho colors slip from sight,
And all the world grows pale and dim,
with darkness on its hide.
With fervored strength I touch my heart,
'Tis there, your mem'ry doth stay,
When with my soul the angels come,
And carry me away.
Your smile plays, yet another scene,
From life's now ending score,
And time's most precious moments, held,
I long for just one more.
Beneath the earth, I plant my love,
to grow and bear your seeds,
When resting under its many branches,
Look up, remember me."
Tho colors slip from sight,
And all the world grows pale and dim,
with darkness on its hide.
With fervored strength I touch my heart,
'Tis there, your mem'ry doth stay,
When with my soul the angels come,
And carry me away.
Your smile plays, yet another scene,
From life's now ending score,
And time's most precious moments, held,
I long for just one more.
Beneath the earth, I plant my love,
to grow and bear your seeds,
When resting under its many branches,
Look up, remember me."
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Roger That, Please Thanks!
On the horizon, I see the beautiful glow of a rising sun. It's golden. It hasn't warmed the Earth yet, but just by the faint glow, you can see its potential.
Kids,
I've been up and down. I declare, God should've told me that my life would be a roller coaster, because I would've bought season passes for the whole family.
At 25 years old, I've yet to tap into my full potential. It's not that I don't know what to do right now. It's just not time yet.
I've run into several situations that I've handled poorly and that was an indication to me that I was not ready for certain things to start happening in my life, and because of God's grace, I only see a glimpse right now of the things that are to come. This grace serves as a warning, or a preview and prepares me for the next time it comes around. God is faithful, so it WILL come around again.
I've disappointed and been disappointed by almost everyone in my life thus far, except for one person. **Details at a later date
With that disappointment comes the snakehead of ugly truths, awkward situations, avoidance of friends and loved ones, and just plain discourse.
I love the fact that people see "Jirod Greene" as this and that, but it's obvious that I see myself in a different light than they see me, and sometimes it's shocking to them.
I don't understand that though: How someone can see you differently than you see yourself, and they think that their view is "BETTER" or more progressive.
When people can't see you moving, or think that you're not moving fast enough, or even, if people see you moving in a different direction, sometimes they assume that you don't have your best interests at heart. If you have a level head, who knows YOU the way YOU do?
I'm at a crossroads, which someday I hope makes for good songwriting material.
Almost a year ago, I allowed my situation to hold me hostage in a stale position. I was stagnant/non-moving because of fear. I was afraid that opportunities would no longer be available to me if I followed my first mind. (which is usually your right mind) I let someone (A PERSON?) tell me that if I took a chance and followed my heart, everything that was being built, would be lost, and I stayed and listened to that person, even though everything that was built was actually lost, or rather, rearranged to the point of rebuilding again and my opportunity went down the drain. I used to resent that person, but now I know that the only person I can be mad at, is myself. I'm the master of my fate, right?
Advise... Don't ever let anyone tell you what's best for you if you know full well that you have your best interests at heart.
Have you ever had someone tell you things and treat you like you don't know what's going on, and in all honesty, you've been doing what you're doing way longer? Sometimes you have to take a piece of humble pie, and then other times, you have to take that pie and shove it back in their faces... (NON VIOLENCE)
But seriously...
Sometimes it's okay to know that you're the prophyte in certain situations, but it's also important to know that you can learn from anyone.
If I told you the truth about my mentality, you'd think I was being arrogant... For anyone who already thinks I'm arrogant... The truth is this...
I believe that there are few people in the world who are just like me. I like to call them "Dreamers". We are not the exception to rules, I feel like we are additions to them.
I believe that dreamers live chaotic lives, bumping into other dreamers, but chaos does not mean our lives are unorganized.
Also, there are a league of individuals who call themselves dreamers, but they're more like the little fish (I forgot the names) that stick to the undersides of sharks... They help, and they're a part of a bigger picture, but they live off of small victories. Be careful of these fish.
SHARKS and POLAR BEARS...
Just because the Shark does not attack when you think it should...you think you're dangling a tasty piece of tuna carcass and the shark should bite...but just because the shark doesn't bite whenever you think it should... That doesn't make the shark any less dangerous. Nor does it mean that the shark doesn't know what it's doing.
Polar Bears....
I think I'm a lot like a polar bear too... It's said that in their natural habitat...If you see a polar bear off in the distance... It's been hunting you for some time...and it's only a matter of time before it...well...
You know, honestly, there are a few people who I wish would stumble upon my blog and read my entries because clearly a lot of my posts are the direct result of a conversation I've had with them, or something they've said or done to me.
Then...there are my lovelies who think I'm full of hot air, fancy words, good intentions, and POOP!
To them I say... EAT all those things.
It is not my job to prove to you that I'm moving or that I'm coming. Just fall in line, and have faith or you're just another fish, (see the shark/fish reference), I see you...and polar bears like fish.
The sun will come up...and it will burn the eyes of everyone who looks directly into it.
With Love,
Jirod
Kids,
I've been up and down. I declare, God should've told me that my life would be a roller coaster, because I would've bought season passes for the whole family.
At 25 years old, I've yet to tap into my full potential. It's not that I don't know what to do right now. It's just not time yet.
I've run into several situations that I've handled poorly and that was an indication to me that I was not ready for certain things to start happening in my life, and because of God's grace, I only see a glimpse right now of the things that are to come. This grace serves as a warning, or a preview and prepares me for the next time it comes around. God is faithful, so it WILL come around again.
I've disappointed and been disappointed by almost everyone in my life thus far, except for one person. **Details at a later date
With that disappointment comes the snakehead of ugly truths, awkward situations, avoidance of friends and loved ones, and just plain discourse.
I love the fact that people see "Jirod Greene" as this and that, but it's obvious that I see myself in a different light than they see me, and sometimes it's shocking to them.
I don't understand that though: How someone can see you differently than you see yourself, and they think that their view is "BETTER" or more progressive.
When people can't see you moving, or think that you're not moving fast enough, or even, if people see you moving in a different direction, sometimes they assume that you don't have your best interests at heart. If you have a level head, who knows YOU the way YOU do?
I'm at a crossroads, which someday I hope makes for good songwriting material.
Almost a year ago, I allowed my situation to hold me hostage in a stale position. I was stagnant/non-moving because of fear. I was afraid that opportunities would no longer be available to me if I followed my first mind. (which is usually your right mind) I let someone (A PERSON?) tell me that if I took a chance and followed my heart, everything that was being built, would be lost, and I stayed and listened to that person, even though everything that was built was actually lost, or rather, rearranged to the point of rebuilding again and my opportunity went down the drain. I used to resent that person, but now I know that the only person I can be mad at, is myself. I'm the master of my fate, right?
Advise... Don't ever let anyone tell you what's best for you if you know full well that you have your best interests at heart.
Have you ever had someone tell you things and treat you like you don't know what's going on, and in all honesty, you've been doing what you're doing way longer? Sometimes you have to take a piece of humble pie, and then other times, you have to take that pie and shove it back in their faces... (NON VIOLENCE)
But seriously...
Sometimes it's okay to know that you're the prophyte in certain situations, but it's also important to know that you can learn from anyone.
If I told you the truth about my mentality, you'd think I was being arrogant... For anyone who already thinks I'm arrogant... The truth is this...
I believe that there are few people in the world who are just like me. I like to call them "Dreamers". We are not the exception to rules, I feel like we are additions to them.
I believe that dreamers live chaotic lives, bumping into other dreamers, but chaos does not mean our lives are unorganized.
Also, there are a league of individuals who call themselves dreamers, but they're more like the little fish (I forgot the names) that stick to the undersides of sharks... They help, and they're a part of a bigger picture, but they live off of small victories. Be careful of these fish.
SHARKS and POLAR BEARS...
Just because the Shark does not attack when you think it should...you think you're dangling a tasty piece of tuna carcass and the shark should bite...but just because the shark doesn't bite whenever you think it should... That doesn't make the shark any less dangerous. Nor does it mean that the shark doesn't know what it's doing.
Polar Bears....
I think I'm a lot like a polar bear too... It's said that in their natural habitat...If you see a polar bear off in the distance... It's been hunting you for some time...and it's only a matter of time before it...well...
You know, honestly, there are a few people who I wish would stumble upon my blog and read my entries because clearly a lot of my posts are the direct result of a conversation I've had with them, or something they've said or done to me.
Then...there are my lovelies who think I'm full of hot air, fancy words, good intentions, and POOP!
To them I say... EAT all those things.
It is not my job to prove to you that I'm moving or that I'm coming. Just fall in line, and have faith or you're just another fish, (see the shark/fish reference), I see you...and polar bears like fish.
The sun will come up...and it will burn the eyes of everyone who looks directly into it.
With Love,
Jirod
Monday, May 31, 2010
The Fall: Abstract
Light...Mother...Air...Blurred vision...Birth.
This is where I begin. This is where it all counts from here. I did not have to fight during those first 10 months of my existence. I was protected. I was incased. I learned rapidly though. Warmth.
Age. Adolescence. Feeling. Truth. Lies.
As colors relate to feelings in my head, I began to understand my emotions.
Love....a solitary feeling.
It stands alone. Miles in front of anything I've ever experienced.
Home. Comfort and Chaos. A beautiful place. A place of peace. I ran from it...quickly.
LOVE...Again. But this time, with another.
Two souls love and understand each other. My soul loved, but my intellect stretched its arms and reached for other things... Where love was a miracle, my intellect searched for opportunity...chance.
I was carefully crafted by two hands that placed these gifts inside of me. Why in hell would I trade my opportunities for a mediocre life, a boring wife & a white picket fence?
"I dream in violet and cerulean...I speak orca...I've mastered the art of mental kung fu. I take bitter memories and sing them like chocolate decadence. I preach to souls, though I'm not ordained, and before I die, you'll know my name."
Just before THE FALL, I saw purple balloons, a little girl with tangerine ribbons in her hair, a vendor selling snowcones, my mother's deep mahogany eyes, my father's leathered face and warm smile...two periwinkle marbles, a silver baseball bat...my memories right before death.
as I lay in a pool of my own blood and stare at my masterpiece painted on the ceiling, I marvel at my own work. I may not live to hear people's praises, but I am the first to behold the wonders of God's love manifest through my hands in intricate detail and design. The Fall.
This is where I begin. This is where it all counts from here. I did not have to fight during those first 10 months of my existence. I was protected. I was incased. I learned rapidly though. Warmth.
Age. Adolescence. Feeling. Truth. Lies.
As colors relate to feelings in my head, I began to understand my emotions.
Love....a solitary feeling.
It stands alone. Miles in front of anything I've ever experienced.
Home. Comfort and Chaos. A beautiful place. A place of peace. I ran from it...quickly.
LOVE...Again. But this time, with another.
Two souls love and understand each other. My soul loved, but my intellect stretched its arms and reached for other things... Where love was a miracle, my intellect searched for opportunity...chance.
I was carefully crafted by two hands that placed these gifts inside of me. Why in hell would I trade my opportunities for a mediocre life, a boring wife & a white picket fence?
"I dream in violet and cerulean...I speak orca...I've mastered the art of mental kung fu. I take bitter memories and sing them like chocolate decadence. I preach to souls, though I'm not ordained, and before I die, you'll know my name."
Just before THE FALL, I saw purple balloons, a little girl with tangerine ribbons in her hair, a vendor selling snowcones, my mother's deep mahogany eyes, my father's leathered face and warm smile...two periwinkle marbles, a silver baseball bat...my memories right before death.
as I lay in a pool of my own blood and stare at my masterpiece painted on the ceiling, I marvel at my own work. I may not live to hear people's praises, but I am the first to behold the wonders of God's love manifest through my hands in intricate detail and design. The Fall.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Cup'o-la Thoughts...
Sitting at work, thinking about working and working on thinking of a way to overcome certain obstacles. Obviously, I need to pray. Prayer helps, but it doesn't give me that world satisfaction that I need from time to time. You know, proving someone wrong, telling someone off, demonstrating my intelligence. That's all flesh. My flesh wants to be fed, plain and simple.
The sad thing is that sometimes, it is not enough for me to say to myself, "God can fix it." or "Let God handle it." I cannot lie. Sometimes I'm a bit more interested in what Jirod can do, or what Jirod wants to do; thus, taking God out of the equation. It's a very dangerous thing; taking God out of the equation because at that moment, I'm saying, "Lord, I know You're Sovereign, and You're the King of kings, and the Lord of Lords, and the Prince of Peace...but here is what I wanna do." That's dangerous.
So, let's say...in my sinful nature, I handle a particular issue... I have a friend who kinda ran off at the mouth and MAY have said some very hurtful things. How do I know this? Well, I don't. It's just hearsay. But my "get you back" attitude WISHES he said something. I WISH he said it...I HOPE he said it... LOL (not funny) but that's how my mind works... I build up an attack (not physically) so great (in my eyes) and I tell myself, "Bwah, I'ma let ol' dude or ol' girl (or ol' whatever is pissing me off), I'ma let em HAVE it...
That's not the right way to be. I think electronics has made us all weak to a certain extent. From texts to avoid the issue (I'm guilty of it), to subliminal tweets on TWITTER, to threatening facebook statuses that may or MAY NOT be about you, but you wanna fight em anyway. (SMH)
I woke up this morning, and the first thought that came to mind, as well as the first words that came outta my lips were, "Thank You, Jesus" and as SOON as I said that, I began to think about the night before and how I'm gonna GET ol dude, and really let him have it.
GROW UP JIROD!
I blog because it's a choice...Sure I could take all of these things to God. I do. I know that someone may read my blog and relate. Someone may not know they can go to God for help. Well U can!
Anyway... As always, the issue may be resolved with a few deep conversations, a good meal, and an episode or two of Martin.
But when it returns...What then?
The sad thing is that sometimes, it is not enough for me to say to myself, "God can fix it." or "Let God handle it." I cannot lie. Sometimes I'm a bit more interested in what Jirod can do, or what Jirod wants to do; thus, taking God out of the equation. It's a very dangerous thing; taking God out of the equation because at that moment, I'm saying, "Lord, I know You're Sovereign, and You're the King of kings, and the Lord of Lords, and the Prince of Peace...but here is what I wanna do." That's dangerous.
So, let's say...in my sinful nature, I handle a particular issue... I have a friend who kinda ran off at the mouth and MAY have said some very hurtful things. How do I know this? Well, I don't. It's just hearsay. But my "get you back" attitude WISHES he said something. I WISH he said it...I HOPE he said it... LOL (not funny) but that's how my mind works... I build up an attack (not physically) so great (in my eyes) and I tell myself, "Bwah, I'ma let ol' dude or ol' girl (or ol' whatever is pissing me off), I'ma let em HAVE it...
That's not the right way to be. I think electronics has made us all weak to a certain extent. From texts to avoid the issue (I'm guilty of it), to subliminal tweets on TWITTER, to threatening facebook statuses that may or MAY NOT be about you, but you wanna fight em anyway. (SMH)
I woke up this morning, and the first thought that came to mind, as well as the first words that came outta my lips were, "Thank You, Jesus" and as SOON as I said that, I began to think about the night before and how I'm gonna GET ol dude, and really let him have it.
GROW UP JIROD!
I blog because it's a choice...Sure I could take all of these things to God. I do. I know that someone may read my blog and relate. Someone may not know they can go to God for help. Well U can!
Anyway... As always, the issue may be resolved with a few deep conversations, a good meal, and an episode or two of Martin.
But when it returns...What then?
Monday, April 26, 2010
The Visitor
I woke up this morning to the sound of a single note, played once on a keyboard. It sounded like it was coming from downstairs. So, I got out of the bed because that single note called out to me.
Walking down the stairs, I felt the temperature change in the house. No one was downstairs, and the keyboards were not on. I turned my head to my left to look at the front door. Daylight snuck in through the cracks in the door and through the blinds.
I walked to the front door, turned the little gold doorknob and I opened the door. I had a guest; a visitor who was a stranger, but I knew exactly who he was from the minute I saw his face. He stood silently in the middle of the street in front of our house.
He smiled when he saw my face and I nodded at him with a smile, signaling him to come in from the street. He walked in and I closed the door behind him.
We sat in the living room and talked. There wasn't much I could tell him that he didn't already know about me. So, instead I talked about what I wanted to do that morning. I'd convinced myself to stay in from work and talk to my new friend.
He told me that I was witty, and that I had a very likable personality. I appreciated his compliments, but I was unsure as to why he was here at my house. He continued to pay me compliments on my personal successes.
Being the naturally nervous person that I can be sometimes, I asked him why he'd come by that day. He told me that he just wanted to look at me. I asked him if he'd seen me before. He told me that he'd never seen me before, but that I'd come up in several different conversations; none of which, he cared to go into great detail about.
All we had in the refrigerator was bottled water to drink. I offered him a bottled water. He drank it and said thank you. Then he got up to leave.
I asked him if he'd be back. He laughed at me because obviously I'd asked a silly question. He chuckled and grinned and said he would be back. He wasn't sure he'd see me in the same place again, but assured me that we would definitely see each other again.
I walked him to the door, and after exchanging pleasantries, he nodded his head and walked back down the street. I waited until he got a ways down the road before I parted my lips to say goodbye to him.
Goodbye Death... I'll see you later.
Walking down the stairs, I felt the temperature change in the house. No one was downstairs, and the keyboards were not on. I turned my head to my left to look at the front door. Daylight snuck in through the cracks in the door and through the blinds.
I walked to the front door, turned the little gold doorknob and I opened the door. I had a guest; a visitor who was a stranger, but I knew exactly who he was from the minute I saw his face. He stood silently in the middle of the street in front of our house.
He smiled when he saw my face and I nodded at him with a smile, signaling him to come in from the street. He walked in and I closed the door behind him.
We sat in the living room and talked. There wasn't much I could tell him that he didn't already know about me. So, instead I talked about what I wanted to do that morning. I'd convinced myself to stay in from work and talk to my new friend.
He told me that I was witty, and that I had a very likable personality. I appreciated his compliments, but I was unsure as to why he was here at my house. He continued to pay me compliments on my personal successes.
Being the naturally nervous person that I can be sometimes, I asked him why he'd come by that day. He told me that he just wanted to look at me. I asked him if he'd seen me before. He told me that he'd never seen me before, but that I'd come up in several different conversations; none of which, he cared to go into great detail about.
All we had in the refrigerator was bottled water to drink. I offered him a bottled water. He drank it and said thank you. Then he got up to leave.
I asked him if he'd be back. He laughed at me because obviously I'd asked a silly question. He chuckled and grinned and said he would be back. He wasn't sure he'd see me in the same place again, but assured me that we would definitely see each other again.
I walked him to the door, and after exchanging pleasantries, he nodded his head and walked back down the street. I waited until he got a ways down the road before I parted my lips to say goodbye to him.
Goodbye Death... I'll see you later.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
when did you know what wanted to be a man of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, INC?
when I stepped foot on campus and saw what the Alphas were doing on campus...being more visible than any other FRATERNITY on campus...and they still are...
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